My year of celibacy: A love affair with myself (54)



The thing that I am the proudest of in my life is my divorces.

I know this goes against everything that most people believe but there are a few reasons for this.

Before I share this with you I want to talk to you about the movie Fireproof. This is the movie that were the talk of the town this last year but up to now I avoided watching this and of course for understandable reasons. As a three time divorcee and single I truly don’t feel like watching a movie of how you can save your marriage and how happy they are at the end and of course I avoid whatever would make me feel guilty x3. So after all the avoiding I finally took the big step yesterday and watched it and yes it was exactly what I expected; the couple has become each other’s enemies and decided to get a divorce, he then starts to do certain prescribed things and eventually they love each other again. It was, although a bit too predictable and soapy-ish for me, very beautiful and sweet. (My primary school daughter loved it!) The message that Christ loves us no matter what was beautifully integrated into the rest of the story and they even made me smile a few times.

There is one thing that bothered me however, and yes here comes the ‘it’s nice but’ part; it only shows one facet. I do understand that that is how movies work but I think in this case it serves to add to people’s struggle and feelings of guilt in stead of bringing the mercy and forgiveness that there is to be found in Jesus Christ our Savior.

You see I’ve come to understand that there are certain situations and people that can’t make a relationship work, it just isn’t possible. I don’t even need to make an elaborate argument; I can just give you three examples and I know that you will agree with me. If your partner is an alcoholic and is abusing you and your children, would flowers and candle light dinners change that? What if your partner has been engaged in extra-marital affairs for years, or even worse, for years with one person? Worse still, you find out your partner has sexually molested the children, can you risk your children’s life for the sake of saving the marriage? I think that would be irresponsible and cruel towards the children.

Then even more difficult, what if God tells you to get a divorce? Impossible? God would never do that? I tell you today that it is possible, because that happened to me and before you just send me to the trash bin, give me a moment to explain. It is clear in God’s word that divorce is in some circumstances acceptable, we just prefer to read over that and generalize what Jesus said about divorce. The church has made divorce the ultimate sin ignoring that there are exceptions to the rule and if God says there are exceptions then of course there could be times that God says divorce is the route he wants you to follow.

When God told me to get a divorce I didn’t know about the “acceptable” reasons there was, I only saw the reality of how difficult divorce is. I was faced with a choice; am I obedient to God and trust that he knows things that I don’t and knows the best or am I going to worry more about people and what people would say, not to mention the financial worries and problems that getting a divorce creats and the guilt feelings towards the other person, only to mention a few?

Today I stand in front of you and I can say without any reservations, I am proud of my divorces because I know that I was never out of the will of God and I know how much courage it took. I can also say that God never left me nor forsake me!

3 Responses to “My year of celibacy: A love affair with myself (54)”

  1. aparadekto says:

    Hey, I can’t view your site properly within Opera, I actually hope you look into fixing this.

  2. Harry says:

    Hi Lorette, really enjoying your blog, Keep it up – I pray that God will bless you and your children!

  3. Lorette Dye says:

    Thank you, I appreciate it!

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