My year of celibacy: A love affair with myself (45)

 

MY YEAR OF CELIBACY:

A LOVE AFFAIR WITH MYSELF

I want to invite you to join me. If you want to sign up for a year of celibacy and self growth (a celi-batical), let me know and as I share my experiences and learning curve I invite you to share yours as well.

‘Being single sucks’, is some of the comments I get, and yes over the weekend there was a moment or two that I felt like that.

Sunday I woke up early (that for a night person) and I felt extremely happy and excited for no apparent reason. Eight o’ clock I was in the gym, overdoing things as I tried to get rid of all the excess energy I had. By half past ten I have showered and was all dressed up with nowhere to go. As it turned out no-one was available to share this day with me; I felt so happy I wanted to talk someone’s head off, I wanted to allow everything that was bottled up inside of me to just bubble over, I wanted to be silly and laugh about everything and about nothing, but it is a bit difficult to do with and by yourself.

As it was I couldn’t get first prize, but I still decided to make the best of it. I decided to take myself to Millies. Millies is a beautiful place, it is an hour away from me between somewhere and nowhere. You are still on the highway rushing towards the next town when you go over a little hill and there it lies in front of you. The first thing you see is a vast piece of land with the yellow grass bended in the onslaught of the wind. At the same time a big dam catch your eye, you can’t miss it, the water –from this angle- seems to be still; the reflection of the sun makes it look like a massive shining mirror and out of the water there seems to rises an old-style building, the walls white-washed and the high roof from grass.

When I step inside I know I can be certain to find a fire in the fireplace that will crackle and throw the flames upwards to make me feel warm and cozy. If it is not so cold I know I can sit on the veranda in the sun and gaze at the water, maybe there will be a cow or two on the other side or someone that are fishing, the yellow grass will look from here more brownish and the water will have a dark, brewing quantity that makes you ponder on what lies beneath. I can buy fish food and feed the fish; the massive, lazy trout will pitch for the party in their hordes, going round and round in circles hoping for the next pellet to fall right in front of their noses. When the whole packet is shared, I can sit baking in the sun reading my book and eat the divine food of Millies like oxtail or lamb curry and drink a glass of wine. Afterwards I can browse the little shops and maybe even buy something decadent. That is just what I did and it was highly enjoyable.

The bad part was when I realized that the couple at the table next to mine was discussing my sorry state of being alone. Of course there and then I decided that I disliked them.

On my way back I thought about everything and I came to the conclusion that being single isn’t always nice but then again I just need to let my mind go back to the bad times when I was in a relationship and I will choose being single any day.

Maybe I didn’t have someone whom I could talk drunk but I had so much beauty around me. I choose to find what is good in this time of being single, I choose to be positive and believe in myself. I choose to embrace every moment and every nuance of my life as it is.

12 Responses to “My year of celibacy: A love affair with myself (45)”

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